


Ever Lasting

by JaceofAllTrade



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Panic Attacks, Will add tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28392186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaceofAllTrade/pseuds/JaceofAllTrade
Summary: !!! CONTAINS ACT 10 SPOILERS !!!Nothing can last forever, can it?After the Organization calls Chikage back to report back his findings, he sets out to say goodbye to everyone in his own way.
Relationships: Chigasaki Itaru/Takatoo Tasuku, MANKAI Company & Utsuki Chikage, Tsukioka Tsumugi/Utsuki Chikage
Kudos: 9





	1. Shattered Pieces of a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> After I read that the showdown was going to be broadcasted, I immediately thought about what would happen if the Organization noticed, and thus, this fic was born.
> 
> Just so y'all know, he/it/bun Chikage, he/they/marsh Hisoka, she/her Citron and I will remind y'all and add more at the beginning of each chapter. Once again, if you have a problem with this, then don't read. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy this very emotional fic.

The moment it was confirmed that the play was going to have a live viewing, Chikage stayed in his room and planned out his next moves with all of the possible circumstances before eventually deciding on the best course of action. Once he finalized it as much as he could on his own, he left the room without so much as a glance at Itaru, who was gaming.

Step one: Locate Hisoka.

Easy enough, he should be sleeping somewhere within the dorms’ grounds, he just needed to find out where. His first stop was the courtyard, which was surprisingly empty even of the other residents of the dorms, so he didn’t stay long to search before heading to the lounge. Thankfully, Chikage didn’t need to search any longer for Hisoka who was currently speaking with Banri and Taichi about something. Pulling out his phone to busy himself, he idled nearby while they talked and waited patiently for them to finish. The matter wasn’t urgent per se, but Chikage wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible.

“You’re waiting for me.”

Looking up from his phone to meet eyes with his brother, Chikage raised a brow and pocketed his phone, “How long have you been staring?”

“A couple minutes.”

Chikage scowled at him, “You should’ve told me, I need to speak with you.”

“You should’ve noticed,” Hisoka fired back instantly, “You’re getting rusty.”

“Hisoka.”

Nodding, Hisoka stood from the couch and waved goodbye to Banri and Taichi before following Chikage out to the balcony. Chikage took a quick look around to make sure there weren’t any wandering eyes or listening ears. Once he deemed it was safe, Chikage turned back to Hisoka who was leaning on the wall and looked wide awake.

Good, he could tell it was important.

Step two: Inform Hisoka about the situation.

“It’s about the play,” Chikage started immediately, figuring it was better to get straight to the point. “Because it’ll be live worldwide, there’s going to be millions of eyes on Mankai Company. I need you to stay out of sight at all costs leading up to and the day of the performance. In fact, stay here at the dorms to lessen the chances of a camera catching you just in case.”

“Got it.”

“In regards to the website, I’ll have to inform the Director about removing all traces of everyone else’s names, pictures, and identities that aren’t part of the play for the time being. That way, it won’t be odd if only yours isn’t present. On top of that, I’ll be adding extra security and encryptions to the site and rifling through everyone’s social media to find any trace of you, and altering it. You are Hisoka Mikage, an actor of Mankai Company, and you will be staying that way. I’ll make sure of it.”

Hisoka stared at him for a moment before releasing a breath and sliding down the wall a bit, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “What about you? They’ll see you.”

Raising his chin, Chikage took a deep breath and placed his hands on his hips, nodding. “They already have. Once everything’s calmed down, I’m to head back and give a report. Looks like the ‘its part of the disguise’ wasn’t sufficient enough for them.” Chikage shrugged. “It’s alright, we already planned for this outcome, didn’t we?”

Squinting at him with his one eye, Hisoka leaned forward a bit, then huffed and leaned back fully against the wall. “How long?”

“You shouldn’t worry about useless things.”

“Chikage.”

The aforementioned sighed heavily and twisted his ring for a few moments before answering, “At least a week.”

“So three months.”

Chikage frowned.

Hisoka pushed off the wall and approached him, “You’ve thought about everything already and you remember everything the Organization did to us better than anyone. Which means you’ve already accounted for discipline, but you don’t want me to worry so you left that part out of your estimated time.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Chikage took an instinctive step back. “It’s a simple report back on my findings.”

“We’re on the same side, Chikage, you don’t need to shoulder this all on your own. We’ve had this conversation already. The least you can do is be completely honest with me.”

Shaking his head, Chikage clicked his tongue, “You’re—”

“Not part of that world anymore. Yeah. Thanks. I got it.”

“Hisoka—”

“I don’t want to hear it. We’ll be talking in circles, we always do. We’re both stubborn assholes, after all. Just promise me one thing.”

Chikage had a feeling he knew what he was going to ask of him, but they both already knew the answer. He wasn’t sure why Hisoka insisted on saying it anyway, but he gestured for his brother to continue, just in case it actually wasn’t what he was thinking about.

Leveling a serious gaze with Chikage, Hisoka narrowed his eye slightly, “Promise me you’ll come back because whether you like it or not, you’re Chikage Utsuki of Mankai Company and you’ll be staying that way. I’ll make sure of it.”

He wasn’t sure what it was about Hisoka repeating the same phrase to him that made Chikage crack slightly. The walls and walls that he’d built up over the years were formidable and nearly impossible to break, the only two people who were able to climb it were August and December. The person in front of him wasn’t December anymore, no matter what Chikage remembered of him. It wasn’t because December completely embraced Hisoka Mikage the actor. No, it was because Hisoka Mikage the actor completely embraced December and chose to turn away from his old life, even if odds were against him.

And Chikage respected that about his brother.

In fact, he envied it.

He wished with all his might that he could leave this world behind when everything he cared about left him that fateful day, but he made a promise to protect Hisoka and Mankai and this was the only way to do it. To stay in this world to keep what he held dear safe.

Mankai chipped away at his walls, little by little. Especially Spring Troupe. They chipped and chipped and chipped until one of the walls crumbled under the pressure and it continued on and on and on until Chikage finally felt comfortable. The first time he showed any sort of weakness in front of anyone that wasn’t Hisoka, it was Spring Troupe and he cried. 

He cried in front of Spring Troupe that one day.

At the time, Chikage knew it was about something completely childish, but it had reminded him about August and December and their times together. He had loved them. He had missed them. He had missed what they had before. He wished he could go back to the past and change everything, but Chikage was a realist. He knew it was impossible to rewind time and start over. He had to live in the present.

He loved his new family too.

Sakuya had assured him that it wasn’t as childish as he was making it out to be and Itaru had backed him up with a simple “If anything, crying over pngs is pretty childish, so don’t worry, Senpai” and he’d said it with such an understanding smile it almost made Chikage believe him. Tsuzuru explained that the pressure of everything he’d taken upon himself must’ve finally broken because of it while Masumi simply told him to get over it. Unhelpful, but it was so Masumi. Citron hadn’t said anything in the moment, but later on, they talked for a few hours on the balcony while Citron dumped her thoughts onto him.

“You and I were not so different, Chikage. We hid a major part of ourselves from the ones we love, but only one of us is still doing so. I caused the whole troupe and my country so much trouble, but they forgave me in the end. Both my families forgave me for my mistakes and my past. Who’s to say they won’t do the same for you? Plus,” Citron had turned to smile warmly at him then, “Hasn’t Hisoka already forgiven you?”

 _But August hasn’t. Because he can’t._ Chikage wanted to tell her, but he held his tongue that night and he still held his tongue. Chikage loved his family too much to drag them into this world. He was going to keep them safe from the Organization. All of them.

He had to.

“You know I can’t promise that,” Chikage finally told Hisoka, his voice wavering slightly as he internally slapped himself for the little moment of vulnerability.

“I know.”

Chikage frowned, “Then why did you—”

“In the hopes that you actually would.”

“Well, you know me.”

Hisoka gave him a look, “Yeah, annoying.” Turning, Hisoka walked for the door, “I’m assuming you’re talking to the Director next.”

“Yeah.”

“What are you telling her?”

“Enough. Not everything, but enough.”

“Well.” Hisoka glanced inside before looking back at Chikage. “Good luck then I guess.” He nodded at Chikage before walking inside and closing the door behind him.

Releasing a heavy breath, Chikage huffed and muttered, “Stubborn ass sleepyhead.”

Step three: Inform the Director.

Once he collected his bearings, Chikage left the balcony and quietly headed for Izumi’s room, knocking lightly enough where only who was inside would be able to hear it. When the door opened, Chikage immediately placed a finger over his lips as Izumi opened her mouth to speak, but her voice faltered instantly. Shutting her mouth, Izumi watched his signal for her to wait before he gestured if he could step inside. Nodding, she released the doorknob and walked further into her room as Chikage stepped in and closed the door as quietly as he could before finally turning to her, waiting with bated breath for a few more moments.

Finally removing his finger from his lips, Chikage kept his voice down still, “Apologies for barging in so late at night.”

“You call that barging in?” Izumi crossed her arms over her chest as Chikage chuckled.

“No, I guess not. Still, I wouldn’t trouble you if it wasn’t important.”

“I know,” Izumi’s expression softened but her wariness raised considerably.

“I’ll get straight to the point then: With the showdown going forward with the live viewing, I’ve decided to take extra precautions on everyone’s safety since this has already garnered enough attention as is. I’m letting you know that I’ll be editing the site and I trust that you can ask Kazunari to stay off the site until this all blows over. I’ll also be making minor changes to certain posts on social media that could possibly give them a lead to who Hisoka is. They’ve also called me back once the performances are over, but don’t worry Director, your precious Spring Troupe will still be complete, I will be back before you finish cooking curry for dinner.”

Izumi stared at him for an uncomfortably long time that Chikage wondered if he let something slip, but then she spoke and Chikage was reminded that she was still much more perceptive than he gave her credit for.

“They’re suspicious of you.” It wasn’t a question and Chikage wondered if that was worse.

“You don’t need to worry about me, Director,” Chikage assured and even smiled to enforce his words, “I’ll be perfectly fine.”

Izumi shook her head, “Saying that just makes me worry more!”

Chikage quickly shushed her as she huffed.

“Ugh. I get what you’re saying and I know I can’t exactly stop you from going, but I don’t like what this implies. Are you coming back?”

“Yes.”

“Chikage-san.”

A strangely serious expression crossed her face. It was unlike the other faces she made when she was directing or handling a serious conversation with someone. Chikage tried not to show how nervous it actually made him.

“Look at me when you answer this: Are. You. Coming. Back?”

And just like that, it was difficult for him to look her in the eyes.

“Chikage-san…”

He shook his head, “I don’t have a straight answer for you, Izumi. There’s an unlimited amount of possibilities, none that I can tell you, but I’ve already prepared for all eventualities. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“In other words, you’re gonna say goodbye.”

“Izumi—”

“Stop,” she raised her hand as Chikage reluctantly shut his mouth, “I get it. I can’t know because it’s dangerous. I know. But it’s dangerous for you too. You can’t just—… You can’t just disappear off the face of the earth, we’d worry. You’re our family, Chikage-san. If everyone knew the situation, I’m sure they’d appreciate the lengths you go to to protect us—even if they’re pretty unconventional—but that doesn’t mean we’d sit on our asses when you’re suffering. If you are leaving, just… Just please remember that you can always come back here, but while you’re still here, let us help you in our own way.”

“No.”

“Chik—”

“Pardon me for taking up so much of your time when you could be resting.” Chikage turned and headed for the door.

“Chikage-san, please…”

“Have a good rest of your night, Director.”

The door closed behind him with a soft click.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry for the rest of this fic, y'all might cry a lot. I think too much about Chikage and his thought processes with things and his life with gekka and how much that's affected him, which is why some of my fics are introspections of his. Please let me know what you think if you'd like.


	2. The Show Must Come to an End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his talks with Hisoka and Izumi, Chikage heads back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All parts from here on are all scrambled in the timeline, they don't happen consecutively so there could be parts referenced that haven't happened yet.
> 
> Reminder: he/it/bun Chikage, he/they/marsh Hisoka, she/her Citron, she/her Kasumi

Opening the door to his shared room, Chikage took a quick glance around the room to still find Itaru hunched over his keyboard, “Tadaima.” He stepped inside and closed the door behind him, going to his side of the room as he heard Itaru turn his chair.

“Okaeri, Senpai.”

There was silence for a while as Chikage set about cleaning and organizing his side of the room. He didn’t mind it, but he could feel Itaru’s eyes on him and didn’t bother to see what he wanted. It was irritating, to say the least, because he could tell the other wanted to say something to him.

As the silence dragged on and Chikage tried to desperately keep his mind off of Hisoka and Izumi’s words, he continued to find himself dwelling over their reactions. _Why were they worried?_ He was going to be fine. He was keeping them safe. They shouldn’t be worried about him. He’d troubled them enough.

_“Promise me you’ll come back because whether you like it or not, you’re Chikage Utsuki of Mankai Company and you’ll be staying that way. I’ll make sure of it.”_

No matter how much both of them wanted to believe Hisoka’s words, it just wasn’t true. First and foremost, he was a secret agent of the Organization. Codename: April. Born April 15th. Picked up off the street by an agent codenamed ‘August’. Under August’s command, April was on the frontlines. His specialties consisted of handling weapons of any caliber and the resident chameleon out of the three of them. Their team was one of the best until everything fell apart that day and he came back from a mission to learn of their deaths.

Now, he was a freelancer within the Organization. While Chikage had the authority to recruit new members for his own team now, he simply refused to do so. When asked about it, he’d simply explain that he hadn’t found anyone suitable. So, he moved between teams and worked on his own, picking up missions that kept him in Japan and insisting that the trading company he worked at was a reliable funnel of information. That part was at least completely true. He wasn’t sure exactly how much information he’d gathered from working at the trading company, but he knew that he wasn’t going to leave until he wrung the place dry.

Or…

Until he was ordered to leave Japan— _leave Mankai_ —because of a reassignment.

_“In other words, you’re gonna say goodbye.”_

The despair from Izumi’s words would’ve overwhelmed Chikage in the moment if he hadn’t already accepted the fact that this day would come. No one knew how the Organization was going to react to his report and if he was pulled from his job in Japan, then there wasn’t anything anyone could do. He’d already accepted it the moment he told Izumi he was staying for the foreseeable future at the end of the Oz performances, they should accept it too.

_“Just please remember that you can always come back here…”_

He couldn’t. Not always.

_“...but you don’t want me to worry so you left that part out of your estimated time.”_

He shouldn’t be worried anyway, he could take care of himself.

_“We’re on the same side, Chikage, you don’t need to shoulder this all on your own.”_

Others would get hurt.

_“...let us help you in our own way.”_

They can’t.

_“You’re our family, Chikage-san.”_

_No—_

“Senpai…?”

Suddenly, Itaru’s voice was much too close for his liking.

“Are you… crying?”

Eyebrows creasing, Chikage reached a hand up to his face and gently touched his wet cheek as he realized he was, indeed, crying. Why was he crying? “I…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Itaru answered almost instantly and finally stepped around Chikage, walking into his blurry view and looking up at him with this look of sympathy. “I know I’m not exactly the best with emotions, but… Do—“ Itaru seemed to be processing his own words. “Do you want a hug or something?”

Chikage simply stared at him through the fog of his emotions and his tears.

“Or, uhh, I could… Not… Idk really.” He was backpedaling. Something in Chikage’s expression must’ve made him unsure. “If you want me to leave, I could do that.”

_Stay,_ he wanted to say, yet only a pathetic whimper slipped past his lips.

“S-Senpai?”

Because he knew his voice would betray him again, Chikage, instead, rushed forward and brought Itaru close as he buried his face into his neck and held onto the younger for dear life, glasses askew.

“O… oh. Okay…” Itaru hesitantly wrapped his own arms around Chikage as if he was unsure if he should even attempt to move. Then, he was rubbing his back as a new wave of tears fell from Chikage’s eyes, his glasses slipping even more off his face.

“I’m… I’m not gonna ask what you’re crying about btw. I just… I feel like you’d stop talking to me if I asked. But… Why…? Why does it feel like you’re holding onto me like I’m lost? Like you’re scared to part… Did—are you…?” A heavy sigh came from Itaru as he tightened his hold around Chikage before cautiously asking, “Senpai, what’s your business trip really for?”

Instantly, Chikage wanted to pull away. He wanted to leave the room. He wanted to leave this conversation. He wanted to be anywhere else but here. But then, Itaru’s grip tightened even more as if he knew what Chikage was thinking. And it wasn’t like Chikage couldn’t easily break out of his hold, but the fact that Itaru was using all the strength he could muster to keep Chikage where he was, Chikage was afraid his resistance would hurt his roommate.

“Senpai, please.” His voice cracked, but Itaru persisted. “I don’t like this feeling you’re giving off. It’s like… It’s like you’re trying to say goodbye. This is a goodbye hug, isn’t it? This is the part in the game where the protagonist’s companion has to disappear for a time for their character development, right? Where they grow as a person and learn that the world is much bigger than them, right? And that’s good and all, but…” Itaru’s voice faltered slightly as he sucked in a breath. “But why do I feel like you have no intention of coming back? Senpai, you’ll be coming back. Right….?”

He hated how observant Itaru was. He hated how vulnerable he became around Mankai. He hated how attached he’d gotten to everyone. He hated it. His weakness had always been his family and he was going to lose them.

_Again._

“Itaru…”

“Itaru?” The aforementioned echoed in confusion, clearly puzzled Chikage had used his first name. He cleared his throat. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—it’s just—… Yeah um, sorry sorry, it just threw me off. Yeah, Senpai?”

Opening his mouth, Chikage sharply sucked in a breath and held on tighter, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Can I…”

Despite the fact he was going to lose his family again, this was different. He could say goodbye this time. He was in control of their safety instead of fully entrusting it to someone else. He didn’t have to hear the news about their deaths because they wouldn’t die. Not on his watch. He could still see them.

“Would you like to play a game…? With… with me…?”

Laughing breathlessly, Itaru breathed in shakily, “You're a jerk, Senpai, you know that…?” His body started to tremble under Chikage’s arms. Chikage wished he knew what was racing through his head. “ _Goddamnit, Senpai,_ ” Itaru hissed out, “you can’t just… I’m not… I don’t wanna—” He made a noise of frustration before taking a deep breath. “Yeah… yeah okay. Let’s—… Sure, let’s play a game together…”

They stood there in silence in each other’s arms for a few more moments.

“Kniroun okay?”

“...whatever you want.”

“I appreciate that, but if this is your going away present to me, I want you to have fun too.”

His hands, from where they were crumpling the back of Itaru’s shirt, curled around the fabric more before loosening significantly. “I’d much prefer KniRoun actually.”

Itaru huffed a breath in amusement, “I’m glad.”

Itaru was the one who peeled away first as Chikage reluctantly let him go and watched his roommate move about the room setting up the console. Tossing him a controller that Chikage easily caught, Itaru grinned at him, “How quickly do you think we can beat KniRoun IV tonight?”

Removing his glasses to finally wipe his tears away, Chikage cleaned his glasses with a raised brow, “You want to beat a sixty-plus hour game in a single night?”

“When I’m playing with a cheat character like you, yes, I do.”

“Alright Chigasaki,” Chikage put his glasses back on and returned his grin with a small smile, “let’s go then.”

«~•~»

“You’re from Mankai…”

Chikage bowed, “Sorry to bother you with this late appointment, Mizuno-san.”

Waving away his apology, Mizuno gestured for him to sit as Chikage did so. “My assistant told me it was a last-minute booking, since the previous person who booked it had canceled a few hours ago.”

“I see,” Chikage mused, but refused to let it show that he knew exactly why they had canceled.

“But thank you for not just barging in. Are you here for Mankai business?”

“Yes, actually.”

Mizuno straightened up, “Well, I’m sure you’re aware I’m indebted to Mankai, so if I could help in any way I can, I’d be happy to. Is this about the live viewing preparations though? Because I’ve already settled everything with the director.”

Chikage clasped his hands together, “Actually, this is more a personal matter.”

Mizuno blinked at him for a moment. “A… A personal matter? If you want me to meet with Tsuzuru, I simply can’t—” He was already backpedaling, but Chikage spoke up before he could continue with an incorrect thought process.

“I won’t force you to meet him if you’re so opposed, don’t worry,” Chikage assured as he saw Mizuno physically relax. “You’re a fan of his works, correct?”

He nodded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like an excited child.

“Then, I’d like to hand you this.” Reaching into his bag, Chikage pulled out a thumb drive and offered it to Mizuno who hesitantly took it. “On it is one of his WIPs, I’d like you to keep it for safekeeping.”

After realizing what Chikage had asked of him, Mizuno tried to hand it back, but Chikage kept his hands away. “Wait wait wait, no. Why are you handing this to me? If this is one of Tsuzuru’s works, you can’t just give this to someone!” When Mizuno stood, Chikage stood. “This is a future story in the making, what you’re doing is practically a crime!”

“I wouldn’t go that far, Mizuno-san.” For once, he was not committing a crime. “I simply want you to keep a promise. Would you listen to my proposition first and decide if you’ll keep it or not afterward?”

Mizuno stared at him for quite sometime before huffing and going back to his desk and sitting down. “I don’t think I’ll change my mind.”

Chikage chuckled and sat back down across from him, “Perhaps, but I’d like to lay out the details. As I said, one of his unfinished works is on it and that is the only copy to ever exist so it’s much more valuable than you think.” Chikage tried not to smile at how Mizuno’s eyes widened at the information. “The only reason I am handing this to you is because this story will only see the light of day if it is in your possession and if you are the one to give it to Tsuzuru.”

“I shouldn’t have this,” Mizuno shook his head, “Every sentence you’re tacking on is making this worse and worse. Are you trying to ruin Tsuzuru’s career as a playwright?”

“Hardly.” Chikage was rather offended that the other would even think he’d hurt his family like that. “The only reason he does not have this is that if he did, he would delete it.”

“...Why would he do that?”

Chikage sighed, “Many thoughts race through his mind, Mizuno-san. I’m a fan of Tsuzuru’s works as well and I’d rather ensure that this story comes to life just like his other works. He’d be conflicted if he were to keep this. I’ve read it already and it’s an excellent concept, I just wish he thought the same. Can I trust you to keep it safe until it is the right time?”

“What’s stopping me from just copying this and sending it to him so he’d have a copy too?”

“Nothing.”

“I… I don’t understand.”

Taking a deep breath, Chikage leaned forward, “You can send it to him if you wish, but like I said, he’ll simply delete it and if he found out you had a copy, he would possibly come over here and delete it himself. Neither of us wants this work gone, so if possible, I’d like you to keep this a secret from everyone because no doubt if someone from the troupe knew, they’d let it slip.”

Mizuno stared down at the thumb drive for a moment. “Why would he delete this…?” He asked again, but this time, it wasn’t directed at Chikage.

Standing from his seat, Chikage picked up his briefcase and turned to leave, “I should leave now, and you may read it if you wish, it’s quite good.”

“I haven’t said if I’m keeping this or not.”

Chikage raised his chin a bit before turning, “You’re right. So, what’s the verdict?”

Watching Chikage for a moment, Mizuno dropped his gaze back down to the thumb drive and twisted it around, “If I were to keep this, when would I give it to him?”

“Preferably when he’s in the right headspace. Right now is not a good time.”

“Is he okay?” Mizuno asked worriedly.

Chikage twisted his ring, “He will be, he just needs time. He is the co-lead of this play, after all, it’s weighing him down considerably.”

“So then… sometime after the showdown?”

“That would be preferable. Just… Perhaps a few months after the showdown.”

“One more question: Why me? Why won’t you keep this yourself?”

“My troupemates are nosy p—”

“No,” Mizuno said firmly and stood from his chair, “Give me a straight answer. Why are you giving this to me and not keeping it yourself? Because from the sounds of it, you’ve thought of everything, but the only thing that’s not making sense to me is that you’re handing this to someone completely outside of this situation. You even seem like someone who could keep this safer than I can. _Why are you giving me this responsibility?_ ”

Studying Mizuno for a few moments, Chikage sighed, “Because if I kept it, I would delete it too.”

His eyes seemed to widen at that. “I… But I thought—you said you were a fan of his, I don’t… Why would you delete it too…?”

“Please keep it, Mizuno-san, and ensure that that script sees the light of day one day.”

Chikage left before Mizuno could get another word in.

«~•~»

“Citron, do you have a moment?”

When Citron turned and smiled widely at him, Chikage couldn’t help but smile back.

“Chikage-san wants to speak with me? I’m flattened!”

“‘Flattered’,” Tsuzuru corrected without missing a beat from his spot on the couch, seemingly researching more on his role in case he’d need it.

“That’s it!”

Chuckling, Chikage pushed off the doorway and gestured for her to follow, “Flattery aside, I want to speak with you out here.”

“Yes! I will be right over!” Citron turned back to Guy and Hisoka, wrapping up their conversation about the menu of Guy’s bar as Chikage stepped out onto the balcony.

Approaching the railing, Chikage surveyed the area for a moment and leaned on the railing, eyes gazing up at the sky as the clouds rolled slowly by. White, fluffy cotton balls of water that reminded him of the marshmallows that his brother constantly consumed. His mood soured a bit as his mind drifted back to their initial conversation at the start of this whole debacle.

They hadn’t spoken since that day and Chikage was rather fine with that, but with the glances coming from Winter at random periods in time, he wondered if they noticed the tension between them or if Hisoka told them something. He highly doubted Hisoka would give them details, but he also wondered if his brother would go through such lengths just to give him a reason to come back. Not to mention he couldn’t stand the saddened gaze from a certain bl—

“Chikage~”

Turning his head, Chikage offered Citron a smile, “I see the preparations for Guy’s bar are going well.”

Citron watched him for a moment, her hands clasped behind her back as she rocked slightly and hummed. “They are.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“So~” Citron mused and closed the distance between them, arms wrapping around Chikage’s arm and pressing her cheek on his shoulder as she batted her eyelashes at him. The fact she could so carelessly get close and touch him without Chikage so much as shying away made him feel this inexplicable warmth pool in his stomach. He really was softened by Mankai, wasn’t he?

“What did the chameleon wanna talk about?”

“It’s ‘charlatan’.”

Citron grinned at him, “I know what I said.”

“Well,” he looked away from her then and cast his gaze forward, “I was thinking about the play you led. You’re quite skilled with a violin and it had been a while since I’d even held one, let alone played one. I had the opportunity to do so during the run of that play and realized I’d missed it, even just a touch. So, I’d like to propose we play together for once.”

For a while, Chikage was met with silence as he assumed Citron was turning over his words, but when he glanced at her, he realized she was staring at him with warm eyes and a kind smile. “What’s wrong?”

Citron hummed, “No cardinal.”

“Cardinal? Ah, perhaps you meant ‘comment’?” Chikage inquired as Citron didn’t answer him. “If you wish to refuse, that’s alright. I just wanted to suggest it.”

She tightened her grip around his arm then and hid her face from view. “I’d like to suggest something too.”

“Don’t I get an answer first?”

Citron poked him in the side as Chikage didn’t react and she pouted. “Help me visit Tangerine.”

Chikage frowned, “You want me to sneak you into Zahra again, even though you can visit whenever you want.”

“Yes, and you’re coming with.”

“I have no business there.”

Citron hummed, “Maybe not, but I wish to play violin with my brother too. Wouldn’t that be the perfect porcupine?”

“‘Opportunity’.”

“That’s it.” Her voice was gentle.

Though, Chikage paid it no mind. “Why do I have the sudden feeling you’ve got something up your sleeve?”

“Maybe I do~”

“That’s a terrifying thought, please don’t.”

Gasping dramatically, Citron pulled away slightly, “You don’t even know what is up my sleeve!”

“So you admit there’s something up your sleeve.”

“No!” Citron wailed, “Chikage is too smart for me!”

“Anyway, you do realize I’m in the showdown play, right? I can’t miss practice.”

Uncharacteristically, Citron remained quiet after that and drew close again, keeping her face away from his gaze as her arms squeezed around his arm for a moment. “I’m not excited for the showdown.”

Chikage really wished he could see her face right about now. “Why’s that? We’ll win, I’m sure of it.”

“It’s brought unnecessary trouble to my family.”

Ah. She must be referring to what happened with Tenma. It was true that several members of Mankai wanted to have a word with Hiro, himself included, but no one ended up approaching him because they figured it was better to focus on Tenma and his recovery. Maybe that’s why he went a little too overboard when confronting Syu for Tsuzuru’s sake. Not to mention when he’d heard about what happened with Misumi and Zen when Summer Troupe had their little training camp, he wanted to do something about that too.

“Even so, the events have already transpired, there’s nothing that can be done except seeing this through to the end.”

“The end…” Citron echoed. “This was a worthwhile experience for us and I’m glad for it so we may bloom on stage. Together.”

Chikage hummed in agreement, “Together.”

“Hopefully forever.”

At that, Chikage didn’t respond. He felt a pang of guilt because he knew he couldn’t stay with them forever. After the performances, he was leaving no matter what and it was entirely up to the Organization if he was allowed to return. Even if he was lucky this time around, there was no telling if it’d happen again. And if Mankai were to participate in the Fleur Award, it’d put Hisoka in even more danger than before considering predicting the lineup was impossible right now. The Organization would find out eventually, they were just biding their time.

_“Don’t get too famous,”_ he’d warned Hisoka after his promise, and here he was being the main reason the Organization was even paying attention to Mankai. He really was getting rusty.

“This weekend,” Chikage said suddenly. “We’ll go to Zahra this weekend.” Looking up at him with stars in her eyes, Citron beamed at him. “I’ll let the Director know that I’ll be practicing on my own.”

She fully hugged him this time. “Thank you berry much, Chikage! You’ll regret it!”

“You mean ‘won’t’, right? Because I am, in fact, starting to regret it.”

«~•~»

Chikage wasn’t really sure how it got into this position with three excited kids surrounding it and asking to play house while their mother walked about the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry to drag you in like this, Chikage-san.” Kasumi popped her head into the living room, “I know you must be so busy with your own rehearsals, but you see, Sakuya-kun had a shift and I needed the help for—”

Chikage raised a hand to halt her apologies, “It’s quite alright, I don’t mind. Really.” It offered Kasumi a smile as it physically saw her relax a bit.

“I’m relieved,” Kasumi breathed out before clapping her hands together, “Alright! Before you three play more, it’s time to clean up your room! Whoever’s side of their room is cleanest gets a prize! But don’t cheat, okay?” Her kids nodded before dashing off toward their room. She let out a breath, “Now I gotta figure out what that prize is gonna be.”

It raised a brow. “You promised them a prize without thinking about what it’d be?”

“I didn’t think that far ahead. Plus, I have to take into account our expenses for the month and—Ah wait, you’re right! What am I doing? Uuu, I can’t take it back, but I don’t know if I can afford something at the moment. Oh no, what am I gonna do? Unless…?” Kasumi shifted her gaze to Chikage hopefully.

“Suddenly, I have an appointment with a client,” it said and casually checked its watch for the time.

“But you’re like their uncle! Don’t you want to get something nice for your nieces? Please?”

Rolling its eyes with a smile, Chikage relented, “Can’t be helped then.”

“Yatta!” Kasumi cheered.

“I’ll ask whoever wins what they want. In the meantime, I believe you were cooking dinner…” Both their gazes shifted to the kitchen.

“Ahh… haha… Gimme a moment,” Kasumi excused herself and quickly returned to the kitchen.

However, Chikage followed her soon after, interested in what she was cooking and peering over. It wasn’t anything extravagant, in fact, it was just omurice and fried rice, but it supposed that it’d be fine without the spice just for tonight.

“Do you need help?”

Smile ever present on her face, Kasumi shook her head, “It’s okay, I got this all under control. You are our guest after all.”

“A guest who’s been roped into taking care of rambunctious kids.”

Kasumi jabbed her elbow into its side before pointing the end of the spoon at it. “Oi, don’t talk negatively about my kids. I’m not afraid to throw down, even with you.”

Chikage hummed, “I can assure you I didn’t mean it negatively. They’re good kids.”

“Good enough for their uncle to make appearances during the holidays and buy them presents?”

Chikage laughed, “I’ll think about it.”

“Well, hopefully after the showdown, you’ll get to know them better.”

It didn’t answer at that.

“Something the matter?”

It internally cursed itself for pausing before shaking its head. “No, just thinking about what I’m gonna get them this time.”

“If you actually can’t, that’s fine, by the way. I don’t wanna trouble you.”

“It’s no trouble.”

Turning off the stove, Kasumi huffed before grabbing bowls and filling them with food, “You say that, but I can tell you aren’t very fond of the idea, whether you were aware of your hesitation or not.”

Chikage frowned, “Pardon?” _Hesitation? What hesitation?_

“Something about your tone when you agreed to buy a prize for them was a little off, I dunno. If it’d trouble you financially, I’d like you to be transparent with me about it. After all, you already know I struggle with the same.”

“Hang on,” Chikage said in confusion, “I really wouldn’t mind. I’m not short on money at all.”

Stopping for a moment, Kasumi leveled a serious look with it, “You’re absolutely sure you wouldn’t mind? Because they are my kids and they are my responsibility. I try my best not to rely on others, even if I am a single mother, I just figured I’d give you an opportunity to get to know them. So I’m asking again, you really wouldn’t mind?”

_Ah._

Now, it knew why it supposedly hesitated. Chikage thought it’d moved on from relating things back to its mother. However, its mother and Kasumi were vastly different, and it already knew that so why did it…? Internally shaking its head, Chikage just wished its subconscious wouldn’t go comparing them again.

“I promise, Hinamori-san, I wouldn’t mind in the slightest.”

Kasumi seemed to study it for a few moments before eventually nodding, “Alright. If you’re sure.”

“I am,” Chikage assured and smiled at her as she nodded again and went back to filling the bowls. It picked up the other two bowls as they went to the table to set up. “By the way, what gave you that impression? I’m curious.”

Chuckling, Kasumi set down a couple pairs of chopsticks, “Call it a mother’s intuition.”

As it froze, Chikage’s eyes widened then it took a step back from the table, its jaw falling open slightly as its breath hitched. _Why did you ask that? Why the fuck did you do that? Why why why—_

Kasumi noticed immediately and hurried over, but didn’t touch it, hovering nearby worriedly. “Chikage-san? Are you alright?”

_She’s not here,_ Chikage told itself. _She’s not. This is Hinamori-san, not Mother. Mother’s not here… Get yourself together._

Closing its mouth, Chikage swallowed thickly before mumbling, “...Fine. I just—… Apologies, I need a minute. I’ll be right back.” Trying to remain composed and not visibly show how desperately it wanted to leave, Chikage stepped out of her home and breathed in deeply, trying to calm its rapidly beating heart and pressing onto its chest to help itself _just fucking breathe._

Not here. Anywhere else, but here.

_Weak._

Stop.

_Pathetic._

Stop it.

_Useless._

No—

Before it knew it, Chikage was pulled down into a firm hug as it opened its eyes and only saw a shirt but it fully knew who it was, then it tried to pull away.

_Pathetic._

_Stop!_

“Shh,” Kasumi hummed and spoke softly, “it’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Just breathe right now and let it out, alright?”

“I—” Chikage’s voice cracked as it took a shaky breath.

Kasumi tightened her hold and rubbed its back, “It’ll be okay. Don’t say anything for now. Breathe, Chikage-san. Try to focus on your senses, I’ll talk you through it. Okay? We’ll go step by step. As slow as you need to. Ready?” She paused for a moment and Chikage wondered if she truly wanted an answer from it.

“Okay…” She took a deep breath, “What do you feel right now?”

After some hesitation, Chikage’s hands reached out and grasped rather desperately for Kasumi’s shirt, hands curling around the fabric to ground itself.

“Good. That’s good. It’s soft right? I think it’s pretty good material for the price I got it at. Not to mention—ah, sorry, getting off track. Anyway, this’ll be harder to tell if you’ve done it, but what’s something you can see?”

Opening its eyes, Chikage frowned when it realized it couldn’t see anything through its tears.

_This is the second time you’ve cried in front of someone and—_

“Oi oi, don’t get lost, alright?” Kasumi’s hushed voice cut through its thoughts. “Just one thing you see. Anything works.”

_Anything…_ Chikage blinked trying to clear its tears so it could fucking see but more replaced them before giving up. _Anything… Right. Tears. That was still something._

“Still with me?” Chikage slowly nodded. “Okay. Alright good. This is good. This is great. You’re doing great.” Chikage almost wanted to laugh at all the positivity. “We can’t really do taste, so how about smell? Smell anything? Something good, I hope.”

Closing its eyes, Chikage breathed in deeply. _... Food. A familiar scent, in fact… Ah… That’s right. Kasumi was cooking dinner for us before I—_

Kasumi must’ve noticed Chikage’s grip loosening around her shirt because she pulled it just a touch closer and started rubbing its back again. “It’s alright. It’s gonna be okay. How’s your hearing? No ringing? Nothing sounds muffled or far away? You can still hear me, right?” Chikage nodded. Kasumi puffed out a laugh, “Okay, that’s good. That’d be awkward if you couldn’t hear me this whole time, but I guess you’ve been responding still and—ah, sorry sorry. I can keep talking now until you calm down. I know, I can tell you a little bit more about my kids, I guess? Okay, so first, there’s Kaede—”

Chikage didn’t intend to tune her out, it did want to hear about her kids, but it needed to focus on breathing and the sound of her voice and the softness of her shirt. It needed to calm down.

It took some time, but once Chikage’s breathing leveled and its hands stopped shaking, it started to pull away as Kasumi let it this time. Pulling off its glasses, Chikage wiped at the rest of its tears before its hand was pulled away from its face as it frowned at Kasumi.

Offering it a kind smile, Kasumi held its hand in both of hers, “It’s not good to wipe your face after a good cry. Let them dry instead.”

Before Chikage could answer, the sounds of her kids excitedly yelling about the house alerted them as the two shared a look.

“If you need more time, I—”

“I’m quite alright,” Chikage answered quickly and put its glasses back on.

Kasumi examined it for a moment and seemed suspicious before straightening. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.” It bowed. “Thank you, Hinamori-san.”

“Please stop with that, it makes me feel old. Kasumi’s fine.”

Chikage laughed before nodding, “Alright. Thank you, Kasumi-san.”

Kasumi grinned at it and clapped her hands, “Let’s head inside now, then.” She opened the door, “Great news, girls: Nii-chan said it’d buy the winner whatever they wanted, so let’s go see who won before we start on dinner!” They continued on down the hall without it.

Keeping the door open for a moment as Chikage took a deep breath, it let out all its tension with that single exhale. A small, satisfied smile crossed its face before it stepped across the threshold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may uhhh have gotten a little bit carried away with the Kasumi part, whoops. I hope you enjoyed and feel free to let me know what you think!


	3. Longing for the Impossible Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was Chikage really going to stay until the showdown? Perhaps, it wasn't such a good idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years, here's another chapter!!!! I should let you guys know that I have deaf/hoh headcanons that'll appear throughout this fic. Masumi and Chikage are hard-of-hearing and have hearing aids, and there are more people who are deaf or hoh, but you'll see them later! For now, enjoy!
> 
> Reminder: he/it/bun/moon Chikage, he/they/marsh/moon Hisoka, she/they Juza, she/her Citron, she/they Kazunari, she/her Kasumi, they/them Taichi, he/they Sakoda. I am realizing just how many pronouns gekka are picking up, I'm proud of them.

“Masumi.”

When Chikage’s shadow fell over him, Masumi pulled off his headphones and raised a brow at him, putting one of his hearing aids back on. “What?”

“How long ago did you finish your classes?” Chikage signed and spoke.

Masumi shrugged, “An hour or two ago.”

“May I?” He gestured at the bench as Masumi simply nodded.

Humming, Chikage took a seat next to Masumi on the side he put his hearing aid in as Masumi scooted over a bit more on the bench and placed his bag on his lap so Chikage had space. “Didn’t want to go home just yet?” Chikage inquired.

Masumi shrugged again.

Chikage examined him for a moment. Masumi kept his gaze forward and his body lax, his hands buried in his pants pockets. Though Masumi appeared relaxed, something was clearly on his mind. “...I see…”

“See what? You just stared at me while I did nothing.”

“Maybe so, but your silence infers that you’re thinking quite heavily about something. Care to share?”

“Why do you care?”

“Well, as the grandfather of Harugumi, I figure I’m obligated to care.”

Masumi was silent for a few moments before “...So it’s an obligation…”

Chikage sighed, “Come now, Masumi, I didn’t mean it in that way. I do care, and I care a lot.”

Frowning, Masumi turned and gave him a puzzled look.

Since Masumi didn’t seem keen on voicing his thoughts, Chikage asked, “What is it?”

“You care.”

It was Chikage’s turn to frown. “Is that so hard to believe?”

“No, I—“ Masumi huffed, “I just never thought you’d say it aloud.”

“I… see…”

“It’s early though, don’t you still have work?”

Clasping his hands together, Chikage shifted his gaze forward, “I was let off early. It seems the trading company wants me to focus on the performance so they’ve been lightening my workload.”

There was silence for a while, as if Masumi didn’t believe him, but then, “Weird.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

As the two stared ahead, people of all ages continued to walk by and live their lives, enjoying the moment they were in and smiling and laughing and conversing without a care in the world. Simultaneously, the Spring Troupe members’ eyes landed on a pair of young siblings playing rough. It ended with one of the siblings crying and the parents finally noticing to intervene. What the two didn’t expect was for a third sibling to appear, a bit older than the other two, and speak with them before everything finally settled down and peace was restored.

“Hisoka’s your brother, isn’t he?”

Tearing his eyes away from the scene, Chikage looked at Masumi for a moment, but the other didn’t meet his gaze, instead still fixated on the family. “What’s with that sudden question?”

“When you joined, you were fixated on him for some reason. The way you interacted with him was different than with everyone else. Almost like you knew him before. Then, the thing with the Director happened and Hisoka disappeared too soon after. The three of you came back, but there was still something off between you two. It wasn’t until after the performances of Oz that I realized there was some kind of connection there that wasn’t really old acquaintances. Though…” Masumi breathed in deeply. “The run of Scarlet Mirror was what solidified my assumption.”

Finally, Masumi turned to meet his eyes, “Parallel to the Hyodo’s, it’s clear you two grew up together as brothers.”

“You’re slow.”

Frowning slightly, Masumi shook his head, “Well, I’ve just never understood the concept of siblings.”

Chikage nodded slowly, “Because you’re an only child.”

“Yeah…”

“And you brought this up because…?”

“Role building. I can’t only watch Kumon and Juza to understand sibling relationships, that’s only one variation.”

“So that’s what it was.”

Masumi looked away from him again, his gaze dropping to the backpack on his lap. “I think it’s easier anyway to watch you two instead.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because I know you.”

“You know me,” Chikage echoed with a frown.

Masumi huffed, “You're in the same troupe as me, we work together more, we’re in sync more because we’re in Spring. I don’t know Hisoka as well, but I know you.”

“Is this what you’ve been thinking of so intensely about?”

“No, actually.” Masumi turned his gaze toward the sky as Chikage followed it, a flock of birds flying idly by. “I have this… feeling about something that I can’t really talk about.”

“How about talking about it with me?”

“You can’t help.”

“Ouch. Not even informing me about the situation?”

Masumi gave him a side look as Chikage chuckled and nodded, backing off.

“Alright alright, I concede. Just speak with someone at least, okay? I’d hate to have it plague you like this because you refuse to speak to me, specifically.”

“Yeah, I’ll… I’ll go do that. Soon.”

Settling back on the bench, Chikage eased, “Glad to hear it.”

There was another comfortable silence between them that lasted longer than the other. It’d been quite some time since he’d had such a conversation with Masumi, but he was thankful he was able to have it, despite how strange their paths crossed today. Neither of them seemed intent on heading home any time soon and both were lost in their minds, turning thought after thought over and over as they contemplated.

Chikage wished Masumi trusted him enough to vent his issues to him.

“Hey Masumi, would you like to make a stop at the nearby music store?”

“What’s the sudden invitation?”

“I’m thinking of expanding my collection, so while I have you,” Chikage stood from the bench and offered a hand to Masumi, smiling sincerely at the younger, “why don’t I let the master musician point me toward the best hits?”

Blinking at Chikage, Masumi dropped his gaze down to his hand before looking back up at him, “What does an old man like you even listen to?”

Scoffing, Chikage took his hand back and fixed his lapels, “And here I thought, I was going to offer to pay for the tickets to the next concert you wanted to attend.”

“I don’t like concerts.”

“Then, albums?”

“I have my own money.”

Chikage chuckled, “You sure are a difficult man to please, Masumi.”

“Stop acting like you’re my grandfather.”

“I’m hurt, Masumi,” Chikage placed a hand over his heart, “You’re going to make this old man cry.”

“Stop it,” Masumi said and stood, slinging his bag onto his shoulders and walking away as Chikage followed.

“And where are you headed, Masumi?” Chikage asked with a smile on his face, already knowing the answer.

Masumi didn’t even turn to look at him. “Stop smiling.” He took a few more steps before answering, “The music store.”

Chikage chuckled.

_Thank you, Masumi._

«~•~»

Upon hearing the door open, Chikage looked up from his phone and watched the students file out of the room as he pocketed his phone and waited for the student he was picking up to come out. However, when the students filtered out and no one else was leaving, Chikage wondered if he’d somehow missed her.

Pushing off the wall, Chikage shoved his hands into his pockets and stepped into the classroom, peering around before spotting Juza and Yuzo talking. He walked over with a smile.

“Well well, if it isn’t ossan.”

“Oi,” Yuzo frowned, “I don’t want to hear that from you. I’ll kick your ass.”

“My, such language in front of the children.”

Juza looked between the two. “I’m nineteen.”

Chikage placed a hand on her shoulder and clicked his tongue, “Shush, the adults are talking.”

“I’m an adult though…?”

Yuzo crossed his arms over his chest and examined Chikage for a moment as the other simply raised a brow at his staring. “You’ve got a good physique and your stage fighting rivals Akigumi. I’ve been meaning to ask, where’d you learn to fight like that?”

Chikage hummed, “I attended classes since I was young.”

“What kind of classes?”

“Oh, all kinds, but I won’t bore you with the long list. I’m sure you could tell they were all worthwhile anyway.”

“Hmph,” Yuzo grunted, “If that’s the case then I want you to special guest in my workshop. Teach some of these kids how to fight in a real fight.”

“I’m afraid I don’t have time for that considering showdown rehearsal—which you have as well—and I’ve got a full-time job.”

“It’s one day,” Yuzo said flatly.

Before Chikage could answer, Juza spoke up, “How about a day where I’ll be there too so Chikage-san doesn’t have to be there the whole class period?”

Chikage patted her shoulder, “It’s quite alright, Juza, I was planning to say yes anyway, I just wanted to know how desperately Yuzo wanted me to attend.”

“Now I see why some find you irritating.”

“I hope that ‘some’ just implies my sibling.”

Yuzo laughed, “Sure, let’s go with that.”

Chikage rolled his eyes and placed a hand on his hip, “So, what day, Sensei?”

“Next Wednesday. I don’t need anything flashy, a simple choreographed fight would do. But a fight unique to you.”

“Must it be unique?”

“Yeah, I’ve already seen how you fight, shouldn’t be too hard for a pro like you.”

Chikage chuckled, “You’re putting quite a lot of faith in me, Yuzo-san, when I’ve never taught a class before.”

“No, but I’ve heard you’ve taught people one-on-one, there’s nothing much different about it, just more people listening to you. Plus, Juza here can help ya out if they get overwhelming.” Yuzo patted her on the back as Juza nodded.

“Whatever you need.”

“I appreciate it,” Chikage smiled, “I’ll make you work hard.”

Juza gave a smile in return, “Bring it.”

“Well, we still have some time before our reservation at that sweets shop, Juza.” Chikage bowed slightly at Yuzo, “It’s been a pleasure, Yuzo-san. I look forward to next week.”

Yuzo placed a hand on Chikage’s shoulder, “Actually, Juza, could you step out for a moment? I need to chat a bit more with this rookie here.”

Studying Yuzo for a moment, Chikage cocked his head toward the door, “Wait for me in the hall.” Nodding, Juza turned and left, the door softly closing behind her. After a few more seconds, Chikage addressed the other, “Y’know this feels awfully like I’m in trouble with sensei.”

Yuzo snorted, “You’re not. We’ve just never had a one-on-one talk before since you joined and I figured now would be a good time as any.” Stepping away, Yuzo walked over to the nearby desk and circled around it, trailing his hand across it lightly as Chikage watched him patiently. “Why do you stay at Mankai?”

Despite the heavy question, Chikage only smiled, keeping the shock off his face. “To act.”

“No, you don’t.”

Chikage tried not to frown.

“Acting isn’t your focus. It never has been. You may enjoy acting now, but that isn’t what’s at the front of your mind when it should be. You’re a good actor, but you could still be a better actor than you are now.” Yuzo paused for a moment before adding, “You remind me of one of the others.”

“Let me guess,” Chikage said bitterly, “Hisoka.”

“No. Azuma.”

“Pardon?” Chikage inquired in exasperation.

Yuzo crossed his arms over his chest, “From the beginning, Hisoka’s been trying to be someone marsh wasn’t, and somewhere along the way, marsh found out who marsh was. Marsh reminds me a little bit of Sakuya. You and Azuma, on the other hand, are too lost in who you’ve been and longing for something you can’t have. You’re stuck in the past whether you realize it or not and at some point, it’s going to get in the way of your acting.”

Chikage knew he was stuck in the past. But to hear that someone else noticed it, especially since that someone hardly hung around the dorms, almost made Chikage run. Almost. He was done running from his past, he needed to face it and accept it. _Easier said than done,_ he grimaced internally. His past had already hindered his acting for performances, but he’d dealt with it accordingly. What was keeping him back this time?

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

Huffing, Yuzo shook his head in disappointment and sighed heavily, “Don’t make me say ‘kids these days’, it’s very tempting right now.”

Chikage laughed dryly, “Apologies, but I really don’t know what you mean.”

“I don’t really care if you’re lying or not, but it’s food for thought. I can’t help you figure out what’s keeping you back, only you can do that. If you’re hung up, you won’t win the showdown at this rate, much less the Fleur Award.”

“Helping the enemy, ossan?”

“Hah. If you really want to lose that bad, be my guest.”

Chikage twisted his ring for a moment before stopping. “I’ll consider your words, thank you, Yuzo-san.” He turned to leave. “Now, if you’ll excuse me—”

“One more thing.”

He suppressed an exasperated sigh and turned back.

After writing something down, Yuzo folded it and handed it to Chikage, “I want you to have this, I’m sure you’ll know what to do with it.”

Frowning in confusion, Chikage unfolded the paper and looked down at it, eyes widening in realization. “This is…”

«~•~»

“Haah!”

“Again.”

“Kh—! Hyah!”

“No.” Chikage stepped back and leaned the sword prop on the wall, stepping over to Tsuzuru and repositioning his hands on the handle. “If your hands are too far apart, then you’ll lose momentum and strength. Try again.”

Chikage quickly grabbed the prop and swung at Tsuzuru who deflected before swinging his sword around and jabbing at Chikage’s torso. However, the older sidestepped it easily before hiking his knee up, hitting Tsuzuru’s knuckles as the tip of the sword raised drastically. Grabbing onto the handle in the space between Tsuzuru’s hands, Chikage kept the sword away from his body as he brought his own to the other’s neck.

Quickly examining Tsuzuru’s face as the playwright huffed in defeat, Chikage scoffed before releasing him, “You’re not here right now.” He took the sword from Tsuzuru and set both of the props aside. “You should rest today,” Chikage suggested, his voice softening, as he heard a heavy thud behind him. Turning, Chikage opened his mouth to say “I meant in your room”, but upon seeing Tsuzuru half collapsed on the ground, he hurried over and cursed at himself for not realizing just how exhausted the playwright was lately.

“You’re overdoing it.” Chikage helped him into a sitting position and tilted the water bottle he’d grabbed from nearby as Tsuzuru finished a significant amount of the once full bottle.

Tsuzuru shook his head and sucked in gulps of air, “I… I have to prove…”

“I know, but you’re working yourself to the bone. You’re resting today.”

“Can’t sleep.”

“Then I’ll knock you out.”

“Not funny,” Tsuzuru moved the water bottle away from his mouth when Chikage prompted him to drink again. Instead, he dug the heels of his palms into his eyes to rub at them as he yelled in frustration.

Chikage frowned at the levels of emotions embedded into that scream, “Tsuzuru—“

“No, you don’t get it, Chikage-san. I love theatre. I love writing and I love acting, I want to do both. I have to do both. It’s my dream to do both. But if we lose the showdown, then that just proves that I have to stick to one. If my acting is subpar, then it would bring the performance down significantly. That’s why I need to get this sequence right. I need to beat you in order to prove to myself first that this is all worth it.”

_“You’re working too hard, April. You should rest.”_

_“Not tired.”_

_“April.”_

_“I’m not tired.”_

_“Yes, you are. Now stop for a second and—“_

_“You don’t get it, August! What’s the point of going through all this training if he’s just gonna beat the records in the first week he was here? I need to do better than him, I have to do better than him! If I’m not better than he is, you’ll just toss me back out there to fend for myself and I’ll be all alone again!”_

“You can’t focus on acting if all you’re thinking about is beating someone at a game they’re clearly better at.”

“So you agree I’m a poor actor.”

Sighing, Chikage helped Tsuzuru lean against the wall before sitting down next to him. “No, you’re an excellent actor. I just think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. It’s true that Syu-san is a better actor than you, he’s a better actor than me too, but he doesn’t have what you have.”

Instead of replying, Tsuzuru shifted and extended his legs out in front of him, massaging at his thigh.

“He’s only good at acting. You’re good at acting and writing. Perhaps he’s jealous of what you have.”

“I doubt it,” Tsuzuru snorted.

“Hey,” Chikage nudged him gently with his elbow, “take it from someone who was hellbent on proving himself only to have it backfire immensely and it got people hurt. Focus on getting better because you strive to deliver the greatest performance, not because some old man criticized you.”

“Says the old man.”

“Oi, don’t just jump on board like that,” Chikage berated lightly with a smile.

Taking a deep breath, Tsuzuru released it slowly and finally let his exhaustion show, swaying slightly before dropping his head onto Chikage’s shoulder as Chikage shifted into a more comfortable position for both of them. “Sorry for causing you trouble…” Tsuzuru yawned.

Chikage tried not to shrug so he wouldn’t bother Tsuzuru, “I don’t mind at all. You surely needed the wake-up call from the looks of it.”

After a few moments of silence, Tsuzuru mumbled something sleepily.

“You’ll have to repeat that.”

“...Why… were you trying to… prove yourself?”

“Ah… Don’t worry about useless things.”

“...’m curious…”

Chikage sighed, “If you’re willing to lend an ear to this old man’s story.”

Tsuzuru nodded.

“Actually,” Chikage hummed, “Before I do, I have one condition.”

“Don’t like the… the sound of that, but shoot…”

“We both take a break today by writing a short little story together.”

Tsuzuru groaned, “Don’t feel like writing the ‘Ultimate Curry’ story right now.”

Chikage chuckled, “Actually, I was thinking that we write something completely self-indulgent for you. To release some pressure.”

“Wait,” Tsuzuru seemed to sober up a bit at that, “You’re gonna help…?”

“I’d like to.”

“What’s the occasion?”

“Does there need to be one?”

Carefully pulling away from Chikage, Tsuzuru stared at him for a moment as Chikage met his gaze and wondered what the playwright was currently thinking of. He squinted his eyes as if he didn’t believe Chikage was real in front of him before blinking several times and finally shaking his head. “No… I guess there doesn’t. Did you want it to be something that we can perform at a later date?”

Chikage tried not to fidget at his question. “It can be if you’d like.”

Tsuzuru stared longer before plopping his head back on Chikage’s shoulder, “It will be, and we’ll be the lead and co-lead.”

“Oh? And what kind of story would best fit us, oh great playwright?”

Silence filled the space between them as Tsuzuru thought intently about his answer. “Two different people trying to prove their worth.”

“Sounds awfully familiar.”

“... Will you tell me now?”

“Mm…”

“Chikage-san, you promised…”

“I wonder.”

“You were hoping I’d forget with the condition you laid down…”

“Haha, you caught me.”

“I’m more perceptive than you give me credit for.”

“That you are.”

“... If it helps, I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“It doesn’t, but I appreciate the assurance.”

“...”

“Well, I suppose I should keep my promise to an extent. … Once upon a time, there was a little boy who treasured his family…”

«~•~»

“You’re really leaving us… aren’t you?”

Clenching his jaw, Chikage curled his hands into fists, “I… I have to…” His eyes scanned the pink-haired boy in front of him, seeing him tremble slightly as he turned his words over and over in his mind. “I—“

“Was every moment we had together a lie?” Chikage’s eyes widened. “Did… Were you always planning to leave us?”

 _No, I don’t want to. I never wanted to._ He set his jaw. “I can’t change fate.”

“Did you even care about us at all? How we would feel? Did that never cross your mind?”

 _Always. Constantly. I want everyone to be happy._ “I can’t waste my time on useless things.”

“But…”

 _I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for you, Sakuya._ “I’m sorry, but it’s time for me to go.” With that, Chikage turned on his heel and started to walk away.

“W-wait, please! Please, I don’t… Please don’t leave, I’m sorry! I…” Sakuya sucked in a breath and choked out, “I don’t want you to go…”

Chikage heard a thud from behind him and stopped before taking a deep breath and turning to see Sakuya on the ground and trying to stop the tears from falling. His hand twitched as he longed to reach out to his leader and comfort him. He wanted to do nothing more than _stay._ Maybe that’s why his legs were moving before he realized. Maybe that’s why he was by Sakuya’s side not long after. Maybe that’s why he held his leader as he cried on his shoulder.

_I don’t want to go either…_

“Please stay,” Sakuya pleaded and clung to him.

After a few moments, Chikage released a breath and nodded once, “Alright… I’ll stay…”

They stayed like that for a few moments before the sound of applause surrounded them. Then, Sakuya was the first one to pull away before standing and bowing as Chikage followed soon after. He straightened and addressed the crowd, “Thank you very much for watching.”

“Thank you! We’re from Mankai Company, please watch our upcoming showdown performance, it’ll be streamed live as well!” Sakuya informed with a wide smile as the two bowed again.

“It was so moving!”

“Really heartwrenching, I thought he was actually going to leave.”

“I feel like I was sucked into their world, I wanted to reach for him myself!”

“Yeah, their emotions felt so real!”

 _Because they were,_ Chikage thought bitterly and straightened up. He relied on Sakuya to start off the street act, but he was caught off guard completely by what scenario his leader had chosen. It hit too close to home. He wasn’t angry with Sakuya, far from it, but after getting a glimpse of how Sakuya could possibly react to him leaving, it made Chikage want to reevaluate his plans and make sure no one knew.

He wasn’t sure he could handle the real thing.

“Otsukaresama, Chikage-san!” Sakuya grinned at him and grabbed his hand, pulling him back toward the dorms. “Come on; it’s almost dinner time!”

Allowing Sakuya to drag him, Chikage studied him for a moment as a sudden thought crossed his mind.

_Did Sakuya know somehow?_

_Was this his way of telling Chikage to stay?_

No, Sakuya was much more straightforward than that, much like last time. There was no way Sakuya knew he was leaving. Part of him eased at his own assurance, but he couldn’t help but start thinking about taking extra precautions just in case someone did start suspecting him. He’ll think about it later though, right now he had to mention something before he forgot.

Chikage pulled his arm back from Sakuya, “Just a moment, Sakuya, I’d like to discuss something with you first.” Stopping, Sakuya looked back at Chikage expectantly, still with a smile on his face.

_God, you’re making this very difficult, Sakuya._

“Considering it’s been a while and taking the upcoming performance into account, I think sleeping on the stage is long overdue, don’t you think?”

Sakuya watched him for a moment before beaming at him, “Really?”

“Azami’s mentioned how I’ve been needing more sleep anyway. I figured this would be a good opportunity.”

“Tonight?”

Smiling back, Chikage nodded, “Tonight.”

“Just us?”

“Actually, I was hoping to invite the rest of Spring. Would that be alright?”

Sakuya nodded, “I’d like that.”

Chikage’s expression softened. “...Glad to hear it.”

That night, everyone brought their futons to Mankai theater as Itaru quickly called the spot closest to the outlet and plopped the bundle of his futon down onto the stage. While the others set up their futons, Chikage looked around the stage. No matter how many times he’d set foot on this stage, he’d always notice something new and just the enchanting feel of the stage fascinated him to no end.

“Chikage-san.”

Turning, Chikage dropped his gaze to Sakuya and frowned when he realized the others were gone, “Where…?

“Itaru-san asked them to help bring other things.” Chikage was rather surprised that he didn’t hear them leave, considering how loud they could get.

“I hope those other things aren’t his whole set up or something.”

Sakuya smiled, “I think it was snacks.”

“I see.” Chikage hummed and gestured at the futons they left, “Well, how about we finish setting these up before they get here to save them the work?” After Sakuya’s nod, the two pulled the futons closer to each other and placed them in a circle similar to when Spring first slept there. It was quiet after that as the two sat on their respective futons, Sakuya pulling his legs to his chest and Chikage checking the last of his important notifications so that he could just enjoy his evening with Spring.

“Chikage-san.”

“Hm?”

“I’m glad we could spend time together. With the showdown soon, it feels like there’s been a disconnect between the ones in the play and the rest of us in Mankai. You’re all so focused on the play that you barely have time to take a step back and rest, but I’m glad you were the one to suggest this.”

Chikage locked his phone and set it aside, “Like I said, Azami said I needed more sleep.”

Sakuya’s expression turned soft, his voice light. “But that’s not all, is it?”

_Don’t see through me._

“Thank you, Chikage-san.”

Chikage frowned.

“For being there for us when we need you to, even when a lot of us won’t admit when we need help. Not only for Spring but for the rest of Mankai too.”

“Well… “ Chikage murmured, his voice barely a whisper, “I’d do anything for my precious family.”

Sakuya smiled. There was a strange glint in his eyes that Chikage couldn’t pinpoint the meaning behind, which was odd considering Sakuya was one of the easiest ones to read out of Mankai.

“I know…”

«~•~»

Silence.

Then a deep breath.

A thumb flitting across the screen.

Ringing…

And ringing…

And ringing…

And ri—

“Moshi moshi, this is Utsuki Chikage. We’re currently on a secure line, so if you were worried about ears listening in, I hope I’ve eased your fears. I have no intention of recording this conversation, nor do I wish ill on anyone because of this call. I’ve been entrusted with this number and I already have a sneaking suspicion of who it is I’m speaking to. Though, I haven’t a clue what I’m calling for. Care to enlighten me?”

_[Utsuki-san, was it?]_

“That’s correct.”

A pause.

A breath and then—

_[I heard you kidnapped my daughter.]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify for anyone who may be confused, yes the script that Tsuzuru and Chikage wrote together is the script that Chikage handed Mizuno in the previous chapter.


	4. Another Summer Gone Bye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chikage was always more prone to emotions compared to its sibling, and the concept of family was always its main weakness but did it even fully understand what family was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Breezing by, here's a new chapter!!
> 
> Reminder: he/it/bun/moon Chikage, he/they/marsh/moon Hisoka, she/they Juza, she/her Citron, she/they Kazunari, she/her Kasumi, they/them Taichi, he/they Sakoda.

While waiting for dinner and Itaru streaming earlier than usual, Chikage found itself at the open doorway of Kazunari’s makeshift studio. In other words, an empty room that she confiscated the moment she found it. After watching her work for a few more moments, Chikage cleared its throat as Kazunari only hummed in response. “I have a proposal to make.”

Freezing, Kazunari pulled the brush away from the canvas before slowly turning to it and staring. Chikage almost wanted to frown at her clear confusion. Then, her eyes lit up. “You’re finally gonna propose to Tsumutsumu?!”

Chikage’s eyes widened comically. “Wh—I—No, I was—That’s not what I—Not that kind of proposal!”

Kazunari snickered and placed her brush and paint palette aside, stretching her arms and back as she spoke. “You’re the one who said proposal.”

“There are other meanings to proposal!”

“Yeah, but it was funny to see the usually stoic Chikachon lose—” Kazunari peered down at its wrist, seeming to quickly check what pronouns it preferred today. “—its composure.”

Huffing, Chikage crossed its arm over its chest, ignoring how warm it could feel its cheeks got. “If you’re quite finished laughing at my expense, I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Sure sure, sorry, but it was the perfect opportunity.” Kazunari sat down on a nearby chair and smiled at it. “What’s this proposal of yours?”

Despite how it was pretty sure she was still teasing it, Chikage persisted, “I need your help painting something for my sister. Her birthday’s coming up and I want to make something for her this year, and since you’re our resident painter, I wanted you to guide me along.”

“While I appreciate the thought, you don’t need me to guide you. If it’s a present for your sister, I’m sure she’d appreciate whatever it is you make for her!”

“Still, I’d like the assistance. Plus, I…” Chikage took a deep breath. “I’d like to try painting with you. I think it’d be a fun experience.”

Humming as she thought, Kazunari nodded a few times before smiling and standing from the chair, “Well, for this, I can just point you in the right direction for now and we can do a different piece next time, but I’m not laying a single finger on this piece, you hear?”

_Next time, huh…_

“Understood.” Chikage figured it couldn’t complain with the results.

“Alright!” Kazunari clapped her hands together and grinned, “Let’s start with a plan! Do you have an idea of what you wanted to paint?”

Chikage blinked at her, “...Oh, we don’t need to do it now, especially since you’re still wor—”

She waved away its excuses, “Don’t mind it, don’t mind it. It’d be refreshing not to think about it for a bit. Come on come on.” Waving it over, Kazunari pulled another chair over and cleaned up part of the table as Chikage sighed and walked over, sitting down. “So, did you have an idea or not?” She placed a blank sheet of paper on the table and shoved a pencil into its hands.

“I…” Chikage looked down at the pencil in its hand, “...suppose I didn’t think that far ahead.”

“Okay, that’s fine! When do you need it done by?”

“Preferably before the showdown.”

Kazunari pulled a face, “Cutting it kinda close there, dontcha think, Chikachon?”

Chikage shrugged, “I had another gift I wanted to get her, but considering it would’ve arrived after her birthday, I wanted to have something else that I could hand her on the day of.”

“I see, then…” Kazunari hummed in thought, “Gimme a list of things that your sis likes. Maybe they’ll give you an idea.”

“...”

Kazunari frowned. “You do know things she likes, right?”

“...”

“Hmmm,” Kazunari grabbed her chin in thought before snapping her fingers, “I know! Let’s ask Hisohiso!”

“What? Why?”

“Well, marsh’s your guys’ sibling right? Wouldn’t it be good to get more ideas from marsh?”

Chikage shook its head and affirmed, “I don’t need marsh’s help.”

“It’d make our job a lot easier.”

“Absolutely not, we don’t need marsh’s help.”

Relenting, Kazunari nodded slowly and released a slow breath, “‘kay then. But you still need to find out things she likes. If you can’t think of something then we’re right back to square one. Anything will do.”

Rolling the pencil in its hand, Chikage dropped its gaze down to the pencil before shifting its gaze to the paper, tapping a finger on the pencil as it thought. “Anything.”

“Yep.”

“...curry…”

“Really? Guess you are siblings after all. Anything else?”

“She likes spending time with her family, even if they’re a little bit of a handful.”

Kazunari smiled, “Definitely siblings.”

Chikage couldn’t help but frown at that. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” Kazunari suppressed a laugh, “Maybe you can draw something about her spending time with her family.”

“I can hardly draw the sky, you expect me to draw people?”

Kazunari grinned, “It doesn’t hurt to try. Come on, here. Put the pencil to paper and sketch out something.” She took its hand and placed it on the table as Chikage reluctantly let her.

“It won’t look good no matter if I sketch or not.”

“That’s not the point though, is it?”

“Huh?”

Expression softening, Kazunari smiled at Chikage who continued to stare at her in confusion. “It doesn’t matter if it’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’. You’re the one who made it. You put the time and effort into it, I’d say that definitely outweighs anything you’re worried about. Either way, she’ll love it because you’re the one who made it, not some artist she doesn’t know personally. That’s why I’m not drawing anything for this, not even a single line. This needs to be purely you.”

Chikage’s eyes dropped back to the blank paper. “I see…”

“You’re a good sibling,” Kazunari said suddenly. “Even with Hisohiso.”

 _Far from it actually,_ Chikage thought. _I can’t even speak properly with marsh, and Kumon’s words just confused me more._

“Purely me…” Chikage murmured before resolve crossed its face and it moved the paper closer to it, scratching marks into the once blank piece of paper. Once it was done, it set down the pencil and stared down at the sketch as Kazunari peered over its shoulder before she smiled.

“Hmmm… Well, you could’ve just told me the truth about what you wanted to do,” Kazunari laughed.

“... I’d like to paint this with you, Kazunari.”

“I’ll go grab what we need then.”

«~•~»

“Hey Chigasaki.”

Chikage could see his gaze flick over to it from the road, but he otherwise didn’t say anything.

“Mind dropping me off at the theater?”

“Yes, I do, in fact, mind actually, Senpai.”

“Don’t be like that,” Chikage frowned, “I told you already that I don’t plan on leaving before the performance.”

Itaru huffed, “And since when have you told the truth about anything.”

Chikage could only sigh as it didn’t have a defense against him. The tension between them had been gradually growing the closer they got to the showdown performance and no matter how desperately Chikage wanted to ease Itaru’s worries, it simply couldn’t. There wasn’t anything it could do or say that could possibly fix this situation. Its fate was set in stone whether they liked it or not.

“Chigasaki, I—”

“No, I don’t care. I don’t wanna hear it.” Itaru turned the wheel and changed course for the theater as an uncomfortable silence strung between them.

Subconsciously twisting its ring, Chikage turned every possible scenario in its head, trying to come up with something that wouldn’t keep their relationship so strained like it was now. It was supposed to be making good memories with everyone, but because Itaru already knew from the beginning, it was getting increasingly harder to keep their last moments positive.

Last moments…

Chikage grimaced at the thought.

Parking in front of the theater, Itaru waved it off with a flick of his hand, not even sparing it a glance. “Go, I really don’t want to see you right now.”

Guess it had to fix this situation later.

With a sigh, Chikage picked up its briefcase and stepped out of the car, the door hardly closed behind it before Itaru drove off as Chikage watched the car shrink further and further away.

_How do I make you happy again?_

_You can’t._

Chikage tried not to flinch at the sudden thought and clenched its jaw before turning on its heel and heading inside MANKAI Theater. As it walked down to the stage, Chikage watched as Tetsuro moved the props around. Once it reached the stage, Chikage set its briefcase down and leaned on the edge of the stage, watching a bit longer.

Then, it firmly knocked on the stage with a knuckle as Tetsuro paused and looked over. “Need any help?” Chikage signed to him as Tetsuro thought for a moment before motioning it to come over. With a smile, Chikage hopped up onto the stage and looked down at the boxes he pointed at then the place it was supposed to place them. 

With a single nod, Chikage pulled off its blazer and set it aside, unbuttoning the cuffs of its button up and rolling up its sleeves before picking up the boxes with little effort and placing them down backstage. When it looked back at Tetsuro who was examining how he placed one of the backdrops, Chikage smiled and tapped its foot on the ground as Tetsuro looked over. “What’s next?”

From there, they worked in complete silence, Chikage shifting props here and there as Tetsuro directed it with simple waves of his hand and approved its actions with a single nod. Normally, Chikage disliked silence, it made its thoughts race constantly, but something about this silence was different and it couldn’t pinpoint why. Having kept its hearing aids nearby lately instead of leaving them at the hideout for missions only, Chikage didn’t feel the need to grab them from its briefcase as they worked.

It was strangely refreshing.

Once they were finished and cleaned the place up, they sat on the edge of the stage as Chikage leaned back on the palms of its hands and stared up at the ceiling. It noticed something moving in its periphery first before feeling the tap on the stage as it dropped its gaze down to Tetsuro who offered it a wrapped onigiri and small water bottle. Thanking him, Chikage took them and uncapped the water bottle before downing half of it and setting it aside. Then, it unwrapped the onigiri and the two ate in silence once again.

Sneaking glances to the side here and there, Chikage lowered the onigiri from its mouth and released a heavy breath, tapping a finger on the stage again and waited until Tetsuro was looking at it.

“I appreciate all the hard work, I hope you often take breaks like this.”

Tetsuro nodded.

Chikage smiled, “That’s good to know. … Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“It’s about the old days. What was it like?”

“You really want to hear that old story?” Tetsuro signed back.

Chuckling, Chikage wrapped the rest of its onigiri and set it aside before looking back at Tetsuro, expression softening. “Very much so.”

«~•~»

Once again, Chikage found itself completely roped into something it never expected. Except, it was worse. Far worse. As its skin crawled, Chikage wanted nothing more than to leave the immediate area as quickly as possible before—

“Mrrp…”

Grimacing as one of the cats mushed their face against its leg, Chikage tried its best not to move away.

“Chikageee~”

Looking up, Chikage was half relieved that Misumi had finally shown up after trying to track down one of the other cats, but he’d told it to stay and watch the other two cats with them. Why was Chikage even around these furry balls of annoyances? That was a question it wasn't even sure of the answer itself. One moment it was talking with Misumi, and then the next, it was sitting on the steps in one corner of Veludo Way with two cats.

Crouching next to it, Misumi dragged the cat at Chikage’s legs away and petted their head as Chikage tried to hide the instant relief of the cat no longer touching it. “I told you not to do that to Chikage, Nami-chan.” Nami-chan only meowed in response as Misumi puffed out his cheeks. “No excuses.” Then, Misumi turned to Chikage and signed, “Are you okay?”

Chikage simply nodded and took a deep breath, composing itself because it really should not be so affected by a cat of all things. “Well, they’ve all found each other,” Chikage said, referring to the cats who seemed to be greeting each other.

Smiling, Misumi produced a bag of treats and opened it to start handing them out, “Yeah, I’m glad you were able to watch the other two for me. I’m sorry for Nami-chan though.”

“It’s no problem, I suppose I should’ve expected that at one point.”

Misumi only hummed in response.

When Nami-chan finished eating their treat, they turned to Misumi and meowed at him as the two conversed for a while. Chikage watched with slight interest but mostly confusion, considering it was only understanding half the conversation. Then, it looked at the other two cats, one of which seemed to be stalking closer to it.

Before they got too close, Misumi simply picked them up and set them far from Chikage, not even stopping his conversation with Nami-chan. Chikage couldn’t help but smile at all the effort Misumi was putting in making sure it felt comfortable, even going so far as to scold the cats for not continuously listening to him.

After the third cat tried to pounce at Chikage, Misumi caught them midair and set them down, “No more treats for any of you.” Misumi stated with such firmness that Chikage wondered if this was a glimpse of him being angry.

The cats seemed to be trying to compromise with him if the constant meows were any indication and Chikage had to hold back a snort at the ridiculousness of the situation. It’s true that Hisoka could also talk to animals; in fact, that ability helped them out on a few of their missions, so maybe the scene before it currently wasn’t as ridiculous as it originally thought.

“—see you guys next time, okay?” Chikage heard after it tuned back into its surroundings. Misumi waved as the cats left. Then, Misumi rested his head on his knees and grinned at Chikage, “Sorry that took longer than I thought. Are we still finding triangles together?”

Chikage smiled back and nodded, “Of course, I am the one who suggested it after all.”

“Yay~!” Misumi cheered and stood shortly after, offering a hand to Chikage who gladly took it and stood with him. Instead of letting go of Chikage’s hand like it thought he would, Misumi held it firmly and started dragging it in a seemingly random direction. “Onward~”

“We going anywhere specific, Misumi-kun?”

“Before we go find sankakus, I wanted to meet with Rabbit-san. We haven’t seen them in a while.”

“Ah… I see…” _More animals…_ Chikage grimaced, but still allowed Misumi to pull it along. At least it knew Rabbit-san to an extent.

Once they reached the shrine, the priest happily greeted them before guiding them to where Rabbit-san was and entrusting them to take care of them, then left. Opening the cage, Misumi stepped back as Rabbit-san hopped out and around the area, sniffing here and there before finally turning to their visitors and hopping over.

Lowering to the ground, Misumi smiled warmly and petted Rabbit-san as Chikage stood a little ways away and watched the two. “We missed you, Rabbit-san~” Misumi chuckled and glanced at Chikage, “Yeah, it’s still not good with animals.”

Seemed like they were talking about it right in front of it.

“Hm? ‘It’? That’s its pronouns. Ah, that’s right, you don’t know!”

Definitely talking about it.

“Chikage~ Can I tell Rabbit-san?”

“I don’t see why it matters if they know.”

Listening intently, Misumi nodded and turned to Chikage, “Since we’re friends, they wanna know.”

There was one of two ways Chikage could go about this: Tell Rabbit-san and have to explain pronouns which could take hours considering they’re a rabbit, or it could simply refuse and that’d be the end of it. Truthfully, Chikage wanted to refuse instantly, but something made it hesitate and reevaluate its choices. There wasn’t anything really negative per se with the first choice, just overly time consuming, but Chikage wasn’t really sure how to explain the concept of pronouns with a rabbit.

With a heavy sigh, Chikage stepped closer before lowering itself to the ground and offering its hand to Rabbit-san who hopped over. “Well, if you’re to know, I guess it’s best to hear it from the person it’s about.”

“They’re all ears~”

Sitting down into a more comfortable position, Chikage pulled up its sleeve to reveal the bracelets around its wrist. “One of these bracelets are originally mine so don’t mind that one, but I want you to focus on this one. I’m not sure if you remember Kazunari, but she made everyone their own special pronoun bracelets.”

_God, it was really explaining all this to a rabbit, huh._

“The color and shape are all different depending on the pronoun, which she designed herself. I have a few different ones for all the pronouns I use, but wearing this one specifically means that today I prefer ‘it/its’ pronouns. I also have a ‘he/him’, ‘moon’, and…” Chikage trailed off and took a deep breath. Who would’ve thought it’d still be difficult, even after accepting itself wholly.

Then, it felt a hand on its shoulder as it turned its head to see Misumi smiling warmly at it and nodding encouragingly.

That’s right. It wasn’t alone anymore. It had people who would stand behind it through thick and thin, whether it wanted them to or not. And maybe… maybe it could use some of that strength they always seemed to hand out. Lean on that shoulder that they always provided. Take that hand that was always offered.

Chikage wasn’t alone anymore.

Not now anyway.

“... I also have a ‘bun’ one…”

Rabbit-san’s ears perked up at that.

“They wanna know what that one looks like.”

Chikage chuckled, “Well, I suppose next time I could show you. All the designs are quite cute if I’m being honest.”

After that, the three of them headed up to the mountains in search of new triangles and for Rabbit-san’s siblings for a few hours. Three new triangles later, it was starting to get late so they decided to head back and dropped Rabbit-san off back at the shrine before trekking back to the dorms. They were silent most of the way until Misumi broke the silence.

“Does Chikage want a sankaku?”

Chikage looked at him for a moment before shaking its head, “I’m quite alright.”

“Are you sure~”

“Yes.”

“But they might help you make a decision.”

“Decision about what?”

Misumi hummed, “Chikage’s thinking hard about something important.”

_Well, he’s not wr—_

“Like whether or not it’s leaving forever.”

Chikage froze and even stopped walking as Misumi took a few more steps before stopping and turning around, his hands behind his back as he leaned forward a bit.

_How?_

Misumi offered it a small, sad smile. “Grandfather did the same before he died.”

_Ah._

Breathing in sharply, Chikage curled its hands into fists, its hands trembling slightly. “...I’m sorry, Misumi.” There was no use in lying, was there? Not when Misumi could clearly see through this facade of its.

He shook his head. “I’m just happy I can stand on stage with Chikage before it has to leave.”

«~•~»

_Tink._

_Tink._

_Tink._

“That’s the hundredth one!” Kumon shouted excitedly as he watched the baseball fly far before hitting the ground. Grinning, he turned back to Chikage who rested the bat on his shoulder. “You sure you’ve never played baseball before, Chikage-san?”

“I’ve never played a sport until I came to Mankai,” Chikage confirmed. Though, that wasn’t completely true. He had to learn how to play some sports for personas he took on during some of his assignments, but they were short assignments, so he never really played in a match of sorts until Mankai.

Kumon lit up. “That’s amazing! You might as well be a pro batter at this rate!”

Chikage chuckled, “I highly doubt I would be able to keep up with the big leagues.”

“No way, you’re pretty fit for your age!”

“Please refrain from tacking on ‘for your age’ to that sentence next time, I’m only twenty-seven.”

“Ah sorry sorry!”

Waving Kumon over, Chikage smiled, “Come on, let’s take a break.” As Kumon hurried over with an enthusiastic nod, Chikage wrapped his arm around his shoulders as they walked to the benches together. Leaning the bat on the benches, Chikage took the water bottle that Kumon offered him before sitting down beside the younger. They were silent as they drank water and snacked on some spicy rice crackers that Chikage had thought to bring along.

Then, Chikage asked the question that had been plaguing him.

“Kumon.”

“Hm?”

“As the younger sibling, what do you expect from Juza?”

“Expect?”

Chikage leaned back further into the bench and kept his gaze forward, “Yes, do you have any expectations for her as your older sibling?”

Humming in thought, Kumon popped another rice cracker into his mouth, munching away. “Not really? Like, I guess Nee-chan does things for me because she’s my older sibling, but I don’t really expect her to do those things for me.”

“Like what?”

“What do you mean?”

“What does she do for you?”

Kumon perked up at that and grinned at him, “All kinds of things! Like making sure I eat if I forget while practicing, or making sure I do my homework before bed. Y’know taking care of me!”

Internally frowning at the thought, Chikage shifted in his seat. Originally, he had asked because as the older sibling, he had to take responsibility for Hisoka, especially since August wasn’t there anymore to care for them. He’d taken what they had for granted and Chikage wasn’t sure how to do what August did for them for Hisoka. He wasn’t sure how to act, he wasn’t sure what to do to care for his sibling.

He wasn’t even sure how to talk to marsh.

“But uh, why are you asking, Chikage-san? You’re the older sibling, aren’t you?”

Chikage grunted, “Honestly, I don’t know what I am to marsh anymore.”

Leaning forward, Kumon tried to meet eyes with him, but Chikage kept his gaze away. “You don’t just stop being siblings. It’s not like a relationship with your significant other that you just end when the feelings aren’t there anymore. Siblings are forever. Family is forever.”

 _Family is forever, huh…_ Chikage tried not to laugh dryly at the thought. He supposed it was true and tried not to frown at the fact that his mind immediately went to August. _Pretty sure marsh hates me at the moment anyway._

“Perhaps, I’m trying to understand the thought process of the younger sibling.”

“Ah, that makes sense! But I think Hisoka-san doesn’t expect anything from you, it doesn’t seem like it anyway.”

 _Marsh expects me to stay._ “If family is forever, how do you handle fights? I know you’ve said before that you talk it out, but what if the other doesn’t want to talk?”

Tilting his head slightly, Kumon hummed in thought and grabbed his chin, tapping it lightly. “Well, you can’t force them, right? If Hisoka-san doesn’t want to talk, then you can’t force marsh to even if you do want to fix a fight.”

 _There’s nothing to fix anyway. Neither of us can do anything about this._ “I see…”

“Is there any way I can help?”

“Huh…?”

Kumon offered him a smile, “Can I help with anything? I don’t want Chikage-san and Hisoka-san to be mad at each other forever. Just like during the Scarlet Mirror run, I want to help you guys with whatever I can!”

“No, I…” Chikage released a breath, “I don’t think there’s anything you can do to help this time.”

Deflating, the smile slipped from Kumon’s face. “Oh… is that so.”

_Fuck… I did it again._

“Actually, there might be something. Perhaps, you could help me understand something else since it seems I won’t fully understand Hisoka’s thought processes.” Kumon lit up instantly. “What do you think makes you siblings?”

“Uhhh,” Kumon drawled for a long time in thought before grinning at Chikage who finally met his gaze. “Well, like what I mentioned earlier, Nee-chan takes care of me when I forget to.”

“But how does that make you siblings?”

Clicking his tongue a few times, Kumon looked away for a moment and bit his bottom lip in thought, pondering his words. “Maybe it’s easier to compare it to what you do for Hisoka-san.”

Chikage frowned. “For Hisoka?”

“Yeah! Like how you always throw a blanket on marsh whenever you find marsh asleep in the lounge. Or carry marsh back to marsh’s room when Tasuku-san can’t. Helping Omi-san occasionally to feed Hisoka-san something other than marshmallows. Y’know, things like that!”

“Those are all things I’d do for anyone in the dorms.”

Kumon hummed, “But the feeling’s different, isn’t it?” Suddenly standing, Kumon stood in front of Chikage whose eyes followed the younger as he moved. Kumon placed a hand over his chest as a fond expression crossed his face, “There’s a special feeling that I feel any time Nee-chan helps me versus when, let’s say, you would help me. It’s that love that you’d only feel for the people you grew up with. The love for your family, right? You’ve felt it too, haven’t you, Chikage-san? With your family?”

_Love for my family…_

Dropping his eyes to the ground, Chikage shook his head, “I’m afraid I don’t understand, Kumon.”

“Which part?”

_Love._

“I don’t believe I’ve ever felt that special feeling. Especially since I don’t get along with marsh as well as you do with Juza.”

“Oh…” Kumon went back to the bench and plopped down, “That’s okay if you’ve never felt it before. Sorry, it’s kinda hard to explain, but Hisoka-san’s your sibling, so I bet you’ll feel it eventually with marsh!”

 _Optimistic, as always, huh._ “Thank you, Kumon, for helping.”

“No problem!”

“Why don’t you try teaching me how to pitch?”

“Really?!”

Chikage nodded.

“Awesome! Let’s go!” Grabbing Chikage’s hand, Kumon dragged him to his feet and back towards the field before letting go and running off to pick up some of the baseballs they were using earlier. Despite that talk, Chikage was nowhere near closer to understanding what he could do for his sibling to even remotely patch up their seemingly shattered relationship before he had to leave.

But, he supposed it was alright.

Chikage didn’t want Hisoka to feel that pain of losing marsh’s family again.

_Never again._

If marsh hated him, it’d be all the more easier, wouldn’t it.

«~•~»

“Not exactly the face I want to see after a shoot.”

Keeping his expression neutral, Chikage bowed, “Shall we have coffee, Hyuga-san?”

“I’m gonna regret this, aren’t I? But sure sure, let’s grab a bite.”

Once the two were settled in a booth at a nearby cafe with their coffees in front of them, Hiro leaned back in the chair and quickly scanned over Chikage who simply smiled at him. “Syu told me a little bit about you.”

Picking up his coffee, Chikage gently blew at it as he looked over his glasses at Hiro. “Good things, I hope.”

“If you consider _that_ anything even remotely good, your view of the world is rather twisted.”

The smile didn’t slip from his face. “I don’t think my view of the world matters at the moment, Hyuga-san. Rather, I wanted to ask you about your view.”

Hiro’s brow creased. “My view? My view of the world?”

“No.” After taking a measured sip of his coffee, Chikage set the cup down gently and basked in the warmth it emitted for a few seconds before directing his attention back to Hiro. “Your view of Mankai. Or more specifically, I’d like to ask you about the old days.”

Then, Hiro’s eyes narrowed slightly. “What for?”

“It’d give me more perspective.”

“On what?”

“My, you ask a lot of questions, don’t you?”

Hiro frowned this time. “Well, excuse me for wondering why the suspicious person of the newfound Mankai wants to hear about the past.”

“Trust me, I don’t intend on using it against any of you leading up to and during the performance.”

“Trusting you sounds like a heavy feat,” Hiro said behind the lip of his cup.

Chikage chuckled and took another sip from his cup, “Indeed. But I don’t wish to cause any harm to anyone else.”

“Oi,” Hiro lowered the cup from his mouth, “Why does that sound like a jab at me?”

“Oh, so you can read between the lines.”

“Oi.” Hiro glared at him and set his cup down as he initiated a staring contest with Chikage. And with Chikage never wanting to lose at a game, he kept his gaze firm and piercing until Hiro finally huffed out a breath and looked away. “Look, I didn’t think the kid would get hurt like that.”

Chikage hummed and lifted his chin a bit, “But he did.”

Sighing heavily, Hiro dropped his head back and stared up at the ceiling for a few moments before lifting his head and murmuring, “I’m sorry, is that what you wanted to hear?” Thankfully, he actually sounded sincere.

Chikage’s smile grew. “No, I’ve already informed you what it is I wanted to hear from you, but hearing an apology is a plus. Additionally, I shouldn’t even be the one you’re apologizing to. So do fix the slight reluctance in your tone before you speak with Tenma, would you.”

Hiro waved away Chikage’s tone. “Yeah yeah, I hear ya. I will.” Hiro studied him again. “You’re strangely prideful of this.”

“Well, I’d rather not bear witness to my family breaking down in my arms again because of something you said.”

“Shit. Really?”

“He’s hardly an adult, Hyuga-san, and a fragile one in a certain sense. Your words were unnecessary for someone like him.” _Someone who never never built a lasting relationship until Mankai,_ Chikage wanted to add, but held his tongue.

Hiro nodded, “Got it. But then you should take a lesson outta your own book and apologize for digging into Syu’s life, even if Syu did go a little too far. There’s no excuse for you to do such a thing.”

“I think it was pretty justified.”

“No, it wasn’t. None of that bullshit, alright? We’re not arguing on whose circumstance was worse. We both made a mistake, so we’ll both apologize. Ya hear?”

Chikage stared at him for a while before finally nodding once. Huffing in acknowledgement, Hiro leaned back into the booth and drank from his cup, fully relaxing. Playing with his ring, Chikage glanced down at his hands to realize just how tightly he was gripping his cup. It was starting to bend.

“Jeez, stop being so stiff.” Chikage’s eyes snapped up to Hiro who smiled at him. “At least act like you don’t have a problem with it.”

Was he really so opposed to apologizing to Syu? Why was he even angry in the first place? Normally, he was able to keep his emotions in check, but recently, he was starting to get weighed down the longer he kept his facade up and continued to say goodbye to everyone. It made his skin crawl that Hiro even took notice to his clear annoyance at having to apologize.

“Oi, I have a question for you.”

Chikage didn’t like that one bit.

“What does ‘hero’ mean to you?”

“‘Hiro’,” Chikage questioned in confusion, “Like your name?”

“Iya iya iya,” Hiro waved it away, “H-E-R-O. Hero. What does it mean to you?”

“Ah…” Chikage said in understanding and pondered. “I suppose… someone who does things for the greater good.”

“So you wouldn’t consider yourself a hero.”

“Not in the slightest.”

“That’s a shame. That guy would consider you a hero for all the shit you seem to do for your troupe.”

Chikage raised a brow, “That guy?”

“Don’t mind it,” Hiro dismissed instantly.

_I will absolutely mind it._

“Anyway, like you said, you think you were justified in your actions when I thought otherwise. In your eyes you were saving your playwright in a way and that would make you his ‘hero’, but in my eyes—and Syu’s—you were the villain for digging too far into personal business. Different perspectives. Different minds. Different stances.”

“I’m afraid I’m not understanding the point you’re trying to make, Hyuga-san.”

Hiro rolled his eyes, “My point is that you’ve got all the right reasons to be pissed and help your playwright, but questionable solutions. You should learn how to do things differently or else you’ll end up doing something you regret. Because you never know, you may become the villain in Mankai’s eyes too.”

“Like what. What would I regret.”

Hiro shrugged and waved his cup around, “I don’t know, you tell me, oh mysterious performer of newfound Mankai. I don’t know your life. I’m not gonna dig deeper, but you’re not the only one who cares a lot about what he has. Or… had, rather. I was in the same spot as you, I wanted to keep us together for as long as I could, except it fell apart in the end. My one regret was giving up entirely because maybe I could’ve saved Mankai back then. I mean, it did begin anew and I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I had stayed.”

Hiro settled a serious gaze onto him, “So don’t give up on Mankai, but also do shit differently. You’re gonna hurt someone important to you if you keep this up.”

_I already have—_

“Thank you, Hyuga-san,” Chikage said, all too quickly for his own ears, but he needed to stay away from that train of thought lest he lose himself. He needed to leave them, it was for their sake. It was going to hurt them, but he’d already accepted that fact long ago. Maybe he already was the villain in their eyes.

“Now, the old days, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter felt "unsatisfying" or "incomplete", good. That is the point.


End file.
